I can't rightfully call this an F.A.Q. [wow, did I just separate that initialism with periods? Way to be an asshole in the first post, Vita] due to the minor detail that nobody has had so much as an opportunity to ask me questions, so please proceed to my freshly assembled H.A.Q. (Hypothetically Asked Questions).
Q: What the f@*&! is this?
A: The internet!
Q: Shut up. You're not funny. You know what I mean.
A: RUDE. And yes, I know I'm not funny... jerk.
Anyway, I'm glad you asked! This is a blog! More to the point, this is a blog in which I shall discuss John Green's books, starting with Looking for Alaska.
Q: ...Why?
A: Partially because I am participating in BEDA (Blog Every Day in August) for the second year and I thought this would be an excellent way to ensure that I have something to write about every day! And partially because I adore Looking for Alaska.
Q: That sounds really boring.
A: Way to judge, alternate personality of mine. Way. To. Judge.
It won't be boring. Trust me. If things get a little dry, I know how to shake 'em up...
Like, lock your fricking doors cuz HURRICANE VITA is passing through.
Q: ...Shut up. Please. Are you John Green?
A: Given that a) I am a teenager, b) I am a girl, c) I have no real profession to speak of unless you count babysitting, d) I neither possess the name "John" nor do I possess the name "Green," e) I referred to myself as "Vita" not five paragraphs ago and f) I am unfortunately not sensitive to the wonders of nature - all evidence points to the contrary.
Also I didn't write Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines, Paper Towns, or half of Will Grayson, Will Grayson. If that's what you're asking.
Q: Do you have any affiliation to John Green? The author, I mean.
A: Thanks for specifying! As my tear stained pillows and lipstick smeared J-SCRIBBLES IS DA BOMB posters indicate, I have (much to my disappointment) never met John Green. I truly hope to meet him one day, however, and if all goes well, perhaps I will someday be working alongside him as a fellow YA author --
Q: So what you're saying is, you don't have any authority to speak about John Green or his published works. None at all.
A: Well. Technically speaking, no. But! My keen interest in literature and my undying passion for his books make me as qualified as any, I think, to comment on his novels --
Q: Remember how I told you to shut up?
A: Um. Yes. Maybe we should move on.
Q: Yeah, ya think? Are you going to be posting every day?
A: Every day in August except for Mondays and Fridays when you can find me at my collab blog, Raving Persuasions. (We don't talk about John Green there... not every day of the week, at least.)
Q: Haha! Like I would want to see YOU again!
A: I hope you realize that you're not succeeding in hurting my feelings. Anything else?
Q: No. Goodbye.
A: ...Jerk.
OHMYGOSH This is gonna be the best Blog ever! I wait anxiously to read it! Also, my blog title is a reference to john's First book! MAybe you'll figure it out!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see more!
I'm glad I'm not the only one with Internet-self-questioning-schizohrenia. ;) Looking forward to your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThis was really pretty funny. I look forward to reading more as BEDA continues. :)
ReplyDeleteNick - Ahh, too much pressure! Haha, thanks for the vote of confidence. And, um, I must admit that I can't think of the connection right now... don't tell me just yet, though, maybe I'll figure it out by the time I'm done re-reading. :D
ReplyDeleteRena - yeah, I think it's a common affliction among the internet types. We should all probably see a doctor or something... :(
Deanna - I'm glad me making a fool out of myself is entertaining! ;) Thanks, I look forward to your bloggy blogginess as well!
I am incredibly amused by your alter ego. Also, I'm looking forward to this blog. No pressure.
ReplyDelete